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The SARS virus has left Toronto destitute and deserted. As we take our usual route to The Vatikan, we are diverted away from the hospital area by the De-Con Police, and are forced to negotiate our way through the tangled wreckage of downtown. It is an eerie sight; not a soul on the streets, taxi-cabs abandoned, the drivers' doors left wide open and smeared with green phlegm. The windows of the once-lively pubs and restaurants are now covered in blood and nasal sewage. There are empty buses with all the windows smashed out from the inside, the final, futile acts of terrified human rats trying to escape a box full of toxic spores. We pass Spadina Avenue, and look north to see what is left of Chinatown, deserted, the human and vermin scavengers lying dead and distorted on the pavement. There is a palpable taste in the air, a deadly mix of machine and human smog. Did someone cough? As we leave the pestilence of the city core and continue to the gig, ahead of us we see a team of Toxic Avengers, cleaning up a mound of dead birds. Except for the police when we entered the city core, these are the only humans we have encountered. With their massive yellow de-contamination suits and suction hoses full of beaks and feathers, they could be alien tribesmen out hunting and gathering. We approach the intersection and more birds fall from the sky, some bouncing off the roof of our van, their distorted wings spreading out like some miniature Cirque De Soleil act gone terribly wrong. When the work crew sees Nash's gas mask logo on the side of the van, and Nash driving with his bandages on, they give us big thumbs up and wave us on. Nash has been preparing for this day for a long time, and although few know the real reason Nash wears bandages, some are about to be enlightened tonight. Only a few brave souls venture out to The Vatikan on this night, and even the opening act calls in sick. Nash has the perfect antidote to the epidemic; piles of used bandages soaked in a secret brew of Nash's sweat and violin bow resin. Nash has saved these bandages for years, knowing one day that the medicinal value of this unique concoction will be appreciated. The bandages are cut into smaller pieces and distributed among the gathered throng, so everyone can be sure of their safety. By wearing these bandages around their mouths and eyes, the audience not only are inoculated from each other, but are now part of the show, sharing in the freedom of isolation and protected from expression. With no opening act, Nash goes on early and performs the new 'Bombardiers' for the first time, as well as a set of old and new material. After we pack up and head home, we are astounded to see people walking the streets, with taxis, cars and buses on the road and everything back to normal! What happened? As it turns out, David Cronenburg was making his new splatter movie called 'SARS', and somehow City Hall forgot they gave him a permit, so when he started spreading guts and slime all over downtown Toronto, it was less embarrassing to let him continue filming. When the mayor was asked about the 'SARS epidemic' he said, "What epic? This is just another cheap, Canadian exploitation film. Believe me, this is no epic!" Digger |
